turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
