There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
