Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
