She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
