you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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