You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
