Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
