Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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