You just made me feel so damn special
I need to stop coming to work sober
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize