dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
