I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize