atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
