please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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