Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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