I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
