Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
