new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
