Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
