is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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