Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Your dad touched me again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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