I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
