Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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