you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
