too bad you live with your parents still
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
