um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
