Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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