What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
