I think i peed on brittanys purse
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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