i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize