Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
