so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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