it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
