Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So apparently I’m into choking now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
