Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
