Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
3 2 1 whiskey
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
