if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You are the jesus of drinking
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
