you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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