Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
