Banned from zoo.
Again?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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