remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
