8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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