he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
