They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
