They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I supernannyed him into submission
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize