I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
