I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You've changed since you got that strap on
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
