Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
