she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
