i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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