My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
