I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
