make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
