So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize