3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Randomize
