He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
