the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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