I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Can I color on your dick again?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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