PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
