Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
