My Higher Power is John Stamos
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
