just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Houston, we have a squirter
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize