i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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