who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You left your phone here
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