I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
