2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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