I'm going to jail i love you
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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