Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
