I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
