After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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