I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
