Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
