Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
