guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
