Sponge bath it is.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
