He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
