ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
