i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
