just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
