I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
