His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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