I think my vagina is haunted
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
