it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
