mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
