I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
