peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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