I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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