You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
