I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
nutella sex= disaster
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize