Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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