"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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